You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
Randomize
