Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
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