I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
