giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement 😭😂
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