I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
