and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
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