I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Randomize
