Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
