I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
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