Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
Be still, my beating vagina.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Randomize
