They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
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