Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
