No awkward lesbian experiences without me
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
