tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
