He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
