I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Randomize
