i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
