I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
