DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
Randomize
