she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
Randomize
