I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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