it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
