Rock
Scissors
Fuck
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
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