sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Randomize
