I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
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