Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
Randomize
