I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
