your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Randomize
