gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Randomize
