ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
Also, beer. Big fan.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
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