You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
Randomize
