see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Randomize
