Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
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