I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
