hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Randomize
