you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
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