you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Randomize
