Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
