TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
