which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
Randomize
