you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
