I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Randomize
