We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
