i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Randomize
