Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
you made out with another girl for some wings
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
Randomize
