If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
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