May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
What changed your mind?
Being sober
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
Randomize
