You smell like a Billy Joel song
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
