I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
Randomize
