I want to make a zoo with you.
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Randomize
