I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
