is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
