last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Randomize
